July 30, 2002 - 11:05 am

at one point my favorite jelly belly's were the buttered popcorn kind. i know, i know, a lot of people thought this was kind of gross. however, you don't have to worry about my freakish taste in candy any more, i have a new favorite jelly belly flavor and i think ya'll will approve. that flavor is ...CARAMEL APPLE.

as my auntie would say in her thick accent "ju shood try, eez soo deleeshos".

no, i don't talk like that.

so, the boyfriend bought some bertie botts every flavor beans along with the other jelly beans we bought. he was going to trick me into going to see a movie and then switch the beans in the dark. for example, i would reach in the bag and grab:

me: "oh what's this? mmm, coconut!"

me: spewing jelly bean all over the hair of the person seated in front of me. "for the love of the sweet virgin mary!!! what the fuck did i just put in my mouth???"

boyfriend: "sardine. heh heh heh"

see, had this gone according to plan it would have been quite a good trick. however, boyfriend couldn't wait until we got to the movies to re-examine the little box of unholy candy he had bought and i caught him with it. at this point, he realized i was too smart and there would be no tricking me, so he confessed his plan.

HA HA HA HA! *I* AM NOT FOOLED!

okay, enough with the moulin rouge quotes.

so then i propose to said boyfriend that we bond by means of putting disgusting candy in our mouths at the same time. we were seriously acting like a pair of 8 years olds who had dared each other to do something and agreed to do it at the same time. boyfriend, however, decided that he would not do this. see, last time we got in an argument...well, you can read about it here.

so, i tell him that i will try a vomit flavored bean first and then we'll try them together. he doesn't agree, but i'm pretty sure i'll be able to convince him after he sees how much i've suffered for the sake of a laugh.

i grab a bean.

i eat it.

i instantly start putting on a show. i start gagging and spitting. i open my mouth and say "ewwwww, ewwwww" while holding the chewed up jelly bean on my tongue, not knowing what to do with it. finally i spit the bean out. meanwhile, the boyfriend unit is laughing his ass off.

ha ha, not for long. see, readers, that bean that i put in my mouth was not vomit, oh no. it was tutti frutti (which looks very much like the vomit bean) and actually it was quite good. but boyfriend unit doesn't know this. he thinks i've eaten the gross bean. heh heh heh.

so, i convince him that now we have to each try a vomit bean. we both put them in our mouth and they are pretty much the most disgusting thing either of us has ever tried and we both spit them out. then we giggle and smile and say stuff like "ew, that was soooo disgusting".

see, bonding? we were bonding. we were agreeing that the jelly belly's tasted like hell on earth and we were bonding.

he laughed at me for having eaten one earlier and i admitted that i had tricked him. yup, i confessed, what a sissy, huh?

well, he was a really good sport about it and laughed. then he tried to trick me back and tell me that he had just eaten a tutti frutti one too. but i'm too smart for that shit, because i had just pulled that on him and i made SURE that he was grabbing a vomit one.

on another note, i had two crazy dreams last night.

the first i can barely remember. but the part that i do remember is that i was in bed with my high school english teacher, mr. french. it was pretty freaking gross. he was trying to talk me into going to see this play with him. actually i think the play was "acts unbecoming a golem" which i've been thinking of taking the boyfriend unit to go see. still, my english teacher? that's fucking gross, he's like an old man.

the second dream is just about the most awesome dream i've ever had in my life. i got to be a rap video booty girl.

it was so cool.

and i was the best booty girl on the set also. it was an eminem video that took place in times square. supposedly right above that famous coca cola neon sign were the words S-H-A-D-Y. and i got to stand on top of the "A" which was a little taller than all the other letters because it was right in the middle. everyone was complementing me on my booty dances and i was really flattered but trying to stay humble. it was really hard though because everyone was like "yo girl, yo ass be slammin' ya heard! you gotz the best booty i've seen in my lifetime and i've seen a lotta booty's". so at one point i'm standing on top of my big "A" doing the booty dances ever so sexily and i fall off! yeah! i fucking fell off! what an ass, huh? but it's a good thing i was attached to harnesses, and some dudes made sure to pull my ropes so that i didn't fall. it was kind of like a pulley system harness, see? so anyhow after the shoot, eminem is like "yo, you're doing a really good job. you're a great booty dancer" and i'm like "oh my god, eminem!" all teeny bopper-ish. but the coolest thing about it is that for most of the taping i was just sitting around being myself you know. i was just burping and farting and just being the annie that we all know and love. but they liked me too!

maybe i should really look into this rap/booty girl profession....

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park