August 16, 2002 - 9:58 pm

new york is well underway.

roger and i have been talking about this for months.

this weekend we're buying tickets. i couldn't be more excited.

plans so far:

1. Thoroughly Modern Millie

2. Les Miserables

3. SNL Taping (where i WILL meet jimmy fallon)

4. Harlem

5. Greenwich Village

6. Ground Zero

7. Statue of Liberty

How fucking exciting does that sound? it's pretty fucking exciting for me. i'm going for the entire week of thanksgiving so if any of you would like to meet me in new york, i'd be super happy.

okay, here's the problem. my mother.

see i only get two weeks vacation each year. as soon as i told her that i was going to go to new york for a week, she flipped. keep in mind that all conversations with my mom are her speaking to me in spanish, and me switching back and forth from english to spanish.

annie: mami, i'm going to new york for thanksgiving. i'm really excited.

mom: WHAT!? WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO VISIT YOUR GRANDMA AND YOUR AUNT??

annie: mami, this is my chance to travel, i'm never going to be able to do this again, please just be happy.

mom: how many days are you going for?

annie: a week, i'm taking the entire week of thanksgiving off.(here it comes)

mom: WHAT? WHY ARE YOU USING UP YOUR VACATION? THOSE ARE FOR WHEN YOU COME HERE IN DECEMBER! ARE YOU ALREADY TIRED OF YOUR MOTHER???

annie: what? no, mami. i'm going to be there for about two weeks in december, don't worry about it. and stop talking about yourself in the third person, i hate it when you guilt trip me like that.

mom: don't you love your mother?

annie: stop it! of course i love you!

mom: say it in spanish!

annie: mom, why are you acting like this? i thought you'd be happy that i'm going somewhere new and exciting. is there anything you want from new york?

mom: i just want my little girl to tell her mother why she doesn't love her anymore.

annie: mom! i LOVE YOU! sheesh.

mom: no you don't. why do you say it like that?

annie: mom, are you on your period? what's wrong? i told you i love you.

mom: talk to your father.

dad: be careful in new york. you saw what happened there a year ago?

annie: (seriously. is he joking? who fucking didn't see what happened?) yes, papi i saw what happened. everyone did.

dad: your mother is just jealous because she never got to travel. she had you when she was 21.

annie: I'm sorry i was born dad. i didn't mean to be the fastest swimmer. um, am i supposed to feel bad about this? (i don't get it, what's he trying to get me to say here?)

dad: come on, don't exagerrate. but see what happens when women don't take care of themselves.

at this point i hear my mother yelling at my dad in the background and she takes the phone away from him.

mom: YOUR FATHER TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME! WE WERE AT THE DRIVE-IN WATCHING JAWS AND I WAS SCARED AND HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME.

annie: oh yeah right, mami, you know you were easy. cut it out.

mom: how can you say that to your mother? (i can tell she wanted to laugh here though)

annie: hey, all i'm saying is someone didn't spend enough time in the library trying to get to know the enemy.

mom: (by now she's full on laughing. see what a funny daughter i am?) i'm still making fun of your dad about that. do you want to talk to your sister?

annie: yes.

little sister 1: hey annie. i miss you.

annie: i miss you too. how are you?

l.s.1: good.

annie: how's school?

l.s.1: bad

annie: do you have a boyfriend?

l.s.1: no

annie: have you kissed a boy yet?

l.s.1: no

annie: are you lying to me?

l.s.1: no

annie: have boys tried to grab your booty?

l.s.1: no

annie: okay let me talk to your sister. i love you.

l.s.1: i love you too. here.

l.s.2: hey annie.

repeat entire conversation that i just had with little sister 1. answers are all the same.

i love my family soooooo much. i wish i could see them more often but i guess being apart keeps all our phone conversations so exciting.

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park