September 18, 2002 - 12:25 pm

toilet humor? me? honestly, people!

if you think yesterday's entry was toilet humor, i'm glad i didn't tell you that i decided to call my boyfriend and tell him that "i think i'm ready for anal sex" after having eaten 3 burritos and er, 'disposing' of them yesterday in one lump sum.

oops, i guess i just told you, didn't i? oh darn. that always happens, i seem to just blurt things out in this diary. no really, my fingers manage to type out an entire paragraph before my mind can stop them.

let's talk about my best friend roger.

those who have been reading this diary know that i'm pretty much constantly on a quest to embarass him. i love him to pieces, but it's not my fault he's a big fat wussy and like, the easiest target on earf.

so, my boobs have been a little weird lately. weird=painful, very firm and swollen.

anyhow, yesterday when roger and i were in the elevator together, i told him about this.

annie: no really, touch them, they're really fucking hard.

roger: no, i'm not going to touch them.

annie: sheesh, will you relax. come on, are you a homo or not?

roger: i am, but-

annie: -ha! you just called yourself a homo!

roger: shut up, look i'm not going to touch them.

annie: will you just relax and fucking touch my boobs already? it's no big deal.

roger reaches his hand out and gingerly places three fingetips on my boob for like 1 second.

later on that night, i went out to eat with roger and two other friends. during the middle of dinner when roger was trying to act cool, i look over at abby and get really serious and go,

annie: roger felt me up in an elevator today.

roger: WHAT??? NO I DIDN'T! (face turns bright red)

annie: we were just standing there and he totally just reached over and grabbed my boob.

abby: (playing along) are you serious? (turns to roger) roger, that's sick! besides, i thought you were gay!

roger: no-no-no. i mean, yes i am gay! she asked me to, she wanted me to.

annie: oh yeah, like i'm really going to just turn to you in an elevator and say "hey roger, grab my tits!"

roger: you did!!

abby: roger! i hope you never do that with me.

roger: she kept asking me too! she's lying.

annie: oh please! so what, now i'm desperate? i have to ask people to feel me up? i have to beg for it, is that it? some friend you are! roger, honestly, you're embarassing me right now. can we please change the subject.

by this time roger's entire body was blushing. i know because he was naked (-oh did i mention we were in a naked restaurant?)

well, not really. we weren't really in a naked restaurant. i was just hoping someone would come across that and sign my guestbook and say "i've been to a naked restaurant too!" and then i could find out where it was.

i know, i'm sly. as sly as a three toed sloth.

did i mention that the three toed sloth is now my new favorite animal? yeah, my favorite animal used to be puppies, but the three toed sloth has taken the lead for being an overall cool kinda animal. a three toed sloth could like, eat a puppy. no shit.

we watched "queer as folk" which is my brand new favoritest show! i watched the first 3 episodes and saw all kinds of gay guy action. it was soooo hot. i can totally understand why men have a fascination with lesbians. i think i'm going to ask eli if he'll watch it with me.

(i'm very impressed with my paragraph transitions in this entry)

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park