January 14, 2004 - 12:18 pm

I rarely steal ideas from other diarylanders. All this genius you read, oh yeah, almost all original. But every once in awhile, I’ll come across something that I just have to piggyback on. Please consider it a form of flattery because I really do think you kick ass.

Sundry, this is for you.

My kitten’s name is Emaline, but I’ve decided her nickname from here on out is going to be “Donkey Punch”. I love my kitty and I don’t love donkey punches (ouch!) so why would I decide to share the name? Well, simply because thinking about both of them makes me laugh and last time I checked, laughing is good. (Sundry, I’d be happy to tell you what it is, frankly I can’t think of a better topic to discuss in your first email to someone than describing a “donkey punch”)

Eli wants to get another cat, except he wants me to keep his cat at my house and be entirely responsible for it. This is an absolutely ridiculous idea because there is nothing in it for me except for cleaning out an extra litter box and bathing and feeding a cat that isn’t mine. However, I have to admit that I’ve considered it because Eli has picked a very good name for his future cat. Mr. Crackers. But wait, it gets better. Not just Mr. Crackers, but Mr. Crackers pronounced with a severe speech impediment of one who can’t pronounce their “r’s”. So the name, in actuality, would be Mistiw Cwackiws. Isn’t that awesome?

On another similar note, involving names. I think it’s about time that 24-Hour Fitness changed it’s name to 12-or so Hour Fitness. I live in San Francisco so we have a considerable amount of 24-Hour’s here but hardly any of them are actually open 24 hours. To me, that’s just false advertising and that’s low.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m hanging out with my great homo pal, Roger this weekend. I’m so excited! The other day we were yapping and we got on this subject of Michael Jackson to which Roger protested “Hey, MJ is innocent, okay?!”

I’m sorry, MJ??? What the hell? My best friend is on an initial basis with the king of pop? Or should I call him the KOP. Roger is, as he would say a “thilly gooth”.

But it’s not the first time I’ve heard him talk like this. The fact is words are simply too long for Roger. You’ll commonly hear him say something like. “Hey guys! Tahoe this weekend! GT’s ahead and bring your cam so we can take pics of our mems!” You think I’m joking, but I’m not. Really.

Since so many of you have told me how much you love my Roger stories, here’s one more thing about him. He describes EVERYTHING on the face of the planet with just one word: “great”. In order to try and diversify his vocabulary, I’ve come up with his “Great Scale”. Things are now:

1. Not great at all

2. Not so great

3. Just kinda great.

4. Great.

5. Great!

6. Greeeaaaat

7. Really Great

8. Super Great

9. Totally Great.

10. Soooooooooo totally super great!

After he masters this, we’ll move on to more specific adjectives like “awesome” and “cool” or “hot”.

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park

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