June 12, 2004 - 2:08 pm

So far, I’m feeling better this weekend. Depression is a very strange thing (“thing”? Honestly! I couldn’t think of something better?). There are some days when I feel horrible and I don’t want to speak to or see anyone, including those who I know want to spend time with me.

Then, there are those days where I feel okay and all of a sudden, I want to be with the people I love but I feel so guilty for having pushed them away in the bad days that I’m too much of a sissy to call them.

I’m cutting down my hours at work. Well, I mean, I’ve “talked” to the Human Resources Manager and my boss about cutting down in order to fix my brain-piece. There is a little fear inside me that, because I’m so used to being a workaholic, I won’t actually cut down. I’m not good at saying “no”, especially in this horrific work culture we’ve established in our office. So let’s see if I can do it.

Actually, I better fucking do it! I’m being forced to take a pay cut so I better make sure I keep a close eye on my hours. I wouldn’t want to continue working as much as I always do for less money. There’s no denying how stupid that would be.

Last weekend was mainly shit. I did, however, feel better on Sunday morning. I woke up and went out to my balcony in my new super hot bikini. I didn’t stare at myself in the mirror for too long after I put it on for fear of sinking into another desperate pity party. Instead, I just laid some towels out on the floor and proceeded to get some color.

I’m lying there with my suntan lotion slathered all over myself like some greased up Miss Fitness USA contestant when I see that my upstairs neighbor is out on his balcony as well.

I hate my upstairs neighbor so much. I hate him more than I hate George W. Bush and that’s pretty fucking intense hatred, people. Actually, I take that back, nothing compares to my hatred of Dubya. But just know, I HATE my upstairs neighbor, um, A LOT!

So the mother fucker is walking around and all the dust and dirt from his balcony is falling through the wooden planks and landing right in my fucking eyes.

Do you see what’s happening here? No matter how much I may try to escape tears, they come anyway, by some act of God! Yes, it sucks to be me.

So I decide to turn around and give my dorsal side some sun.

Now, of course as I’m sitting there, I’m realizing I DON’T want tan lines on my back from my bikini strings. I start fidgeting with it and manage to untie it. So I’m there, topless, lying on my stomach basking in the sunlight.

My kitten, Emma, comes out to visit (visit=sniff every square inch of my body) and I’m staring at her thinking about what a great little cat she is when I hear a tiny little bell in the distance.

A bell? This is weird.

Suddenly, my downstairs neighbor’s cat Figaro is sitting on the corner of my balcony staring at Emma (my cat).

‘Um, okay, this might be bad’ I’m thinking to myself. Figaro and Emma have been around each other before and they’ve never fought, mainly they just stare but still, I’m EXTREMELY protective of my cat.

It doesn’t help that Figaro is possessed by Satan. He’s got these yellow eyes with tiny little vertical slits and he uses them to stare at you.

Yeah, stare; and if you stare back, his slits will narrow. He plans your demise right in front of you he’s that defiant and evil.

I decide to try to kill him with kindness. He comes a little closer and I extend my hand out, cooing “Figarooooo”.

HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

Then, Emma hisses back!

Okay, um, shit! At this point all I can think about is how I have no top on.

Do the math:

Hissing Cat 1 + Hissing Cat 2 + Overprotective mother of Hissing Cat 2 WITH NO TOP ON = a) The most selfless display of maternal instincts on the planet or b) a free clip from the next “Girls Gone Wild” video “Boobies and Pussy’s”.

Luckily, Figaro backed away. Perhaps saving his evilness for a day where I wouldn’t be present and he could eat my little baby in peace.

Alas, today was not the day for the free world to get their free show. Do not fear for there will be many more days.

And now, I’d like to close with a list of people who have seen my boobs and my respective age(s) at which they saw:

1. Xipe (16)
2. Nick (18 - 20)
3. Kim (18)
4. Mandie (18)
5. Paul (20)
6. Rachel (21)
7. Dave (21-23)
8. Brett (23)
9. Christi (23)
10. Susi (23)
11. Eli (23-25)

About half the people on that list are people I flashed.

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park

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