July 15, 2002 - 10:41 am

in college, i used to like to say "OWW, FUCK ME IN THE GOAT ASS!" really loud, when i would hurt myself.

but i dont say that no more.

'cuz i'm a working girl and this is a professional office. shyeah.

when i applied for this job they loved me. they thought i was so smart. i fucking nailed every question, not to mention i was wearing this really cute white button down shirt and gray a-line skirt. -oh and my hair was in one of those twisty thingees...

but i digress. i had an awesome interview. they asked me if i knew anything about this law firm and i said "well, i actually did a bit of research on your company before coming in here..." and i told them exactly what they did and what they stood for and how i fit into that.

and my nose was completely brown after answering that question.

bear with me, i'm going somewhere with this.

so they thought i was so bright and sweet and today, i farted really loud in my cubicle.

now i love suits, i really do. i love how i KNOW they heard me, yet they choose to act like i'm not even here. like they didn't just hear me rip one. they're so awkward and polite, they don't know what to fucking do with themselves.

i think if i had actually been carrying an conversation with them (instead of just typing away at my cubicle while they were standing nearby) and i had squatted, stuck my butt out and made a "pushing" face and farted they still would have acted like nothing happened. i bet anything they would have all looked at eachother nervously and then kept the conversation going.

that's what i like about these folks, they're just so fucking polite.

hey did you guys know that "pure gold, is like, the fanciest stuff on earth"?

at least that's what my boyfriend said. and he also said that one day he might buy me something made from the "fanciest stuff on earth". he said i'm fancy and i deserve some of the "fanciest stuff on earth". isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard?

okay, so he's not blessed with the best vocabulary and sometimes he puts stuff into words they way an 8 year old would. i love him anyway.

i bought myself this set but in white this weekend. i look so mother-fecking-god-damn-hot in it too.

i'm also addicted to these underwear. yes, "addicted" to them. that's the right word. look at how fucking cute they are! boy shorts but for girls. except i don't want "go-go" written on mine. i don't want ANYTHING written on my underwear to be honest. well that's not true. i think i want underwear that say "truth, beauty, freedom, love" on them. yeah! moulin rouge, that kicks ass. get it, ass? bua ha ha ha ha ha.

would you believe me if i told you i'm 23 right now?

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park