July 26, 2002 - 1:38 pm

i woke up late this morning. forgot to set my alarm, woopsie. eh, what the fuck i didn't really care that much. i woke up at 8:12 and usually i'm arriving to work at that time. i got up, walked over to the phone, called the receptionist and asked her to cover my calls for me.

15 minutes later, i'm at work. i didn't shower, i don't think i brushed my hair and i'm wearing what is possibly the most hideous outfit i've ever worn. (except for that time in the eighth grade that i decided i was going to try and be different and i wore navy blue tights, white jean shorts, a black knit sweater and black all stars. ahh, the joys of the soul searching days of adolescence. my friends never let me forget that day. believe me, *i'll* never forget that day, i don't need them to bring it up every single time we see eachother. that outfit was a tragedy and i'm still on parole with the fashion police for it.)

okay, you know those license plates that say "I hate barbie, the bitch has everything"? well, i'm going to make a new one. it's going to say "i hate natalie portman, the bitch really does have everything including a real soul, unlike barbie".

now, before you all completely bash me, please know that up until 4 days ago, i really used to like natalie portman. i thought she was very pretty, actually had a brain, and a pretty good actress. but now...

everything has changed

oh yes natalie, i would watch my back if i were you. because even though i don't know your real last name, i might just have to stalk you and hurt you.

alright here's the deal, since everyone is dropping me from they're favorites as we speak, i'm going to make a list.

what natalie portman has:

1. beauty

2. somewhat smarter than the average actress

3. harvard education

4. millions of dollars and millions more to come.

5. a contract that pretty much binds her to play a role that any female star wars fan would covet.

6. gets to make out with hot guys like hayden christensen.

7. gets to work with incredibly hot guys like EWAN MCGREGOR!!!!

8. and lastly gets to make out with jimmy fallon on the new mtv VMA's commercial.

see??? do you see what i'm saying? it is my natural born right as a woman to hate her.

now up until #8 i really liked her and thought to myself: 'well she must deserve all the good things that she has'. but FECK that SHIT!!! mother teresa deserved plenty of good things but she didn't even get to make out with jimmy fallon. all she got was to die around the same time as princess diana so that no one gave a real shit about her passing. (mother teresa, that is one woman who was CHEATED by fate! but don't get me started). so why does natalie portman get all these good things?

i don't fucking know. but it upsets me to the point of reverting to age 8 and screaming: IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!

jimmy if you ever come across this diary. know that i would love to make out with you and i'm a pretty good person. i mean i dont really volunteer anymore, but i used to (a LOT) and that has to earn me something right? right? okay, so maybe not a make-out session but a hi-five or something???

please?

oh, one more thing i'd also just like to add to my boyfriend, if he's reading this: honey, i didn't really mean anything i said up there about jimmy fallon. you're the only one i want to make out with, poopsie face.

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park