September 25, 2002 - 11:05 am

my boyfriend has gotten into a very bad habit lately.

he likes to wear my bras while we're doing it.

no, not really. but if he did that, it would be really funny for about 2 seconds and then i would dump him.

actually the bad habit he's getting into is calling me about 30 minutes after we hang up the phone with eachother.

now, this wouldn't matter if he wasn't aware of the fact that 30 minutes after we hang up, i go to sleep. he knows this, yet he insists he has very important things to talk about

Very Important things=desperate attempts to keep me on the phone for no real reason at all.

see, because we live about 100 miles from eachother all we have to connect us during the week are our phones. so i usually get a phone call from him around 8:00 and we talk until 11:00 or so.

well, last night he calls at around 9:15, we talk until about 11:30 and then we hang up and go to bed.

as i'm drifing off and thinking about how comfortable my bed is and how happy i am that i spent $800 on it, the phone rings.

i know its him. no one else calls me this late.

Please keep in mind that during the following conversation, i'm doing my best not to laugh and encourage him. but he's so damn funny sometimes!

annie: hello

eli: hi bean!

annie: (groans) why are you calling me? we just got off the phone about 20 minutes ago.

eli: because...

annie: what do you WANT?

eli: i just want to talk.

annie: i have to go. i-am-going-to-BED.


annie: you did this to me last night too! you keep calling me after i go to sleep!

eli: you went to sleep?

annie: yes! i told you i was going to sleep! (laughing) stop doing this to me! last night i had to hang up on you because you would not leave me alone! what do you want?

eli: i just want to talk. i want a pleasant chat with my girlfriend.

annie: (stifling laughter in pillow) i'm hanging up...

eli: no don't hang up! don't hang up, stay on! pleasant chats! what's wrong with that?

annie: ELIJAH!!! (still laughing) i'm going...

eli: no! don't go! stay. stay and talk. stay and have pleasant conversation.

annie: i'm counting down from three and then i'm going to hang up. 3-

eli: no dont count!!! don't count, talk.

annie: 2-

eli: no! not two! not two! chat! converse!

annie: 1 (click)

now, you all may think i'm being horribly mean to my boyfriend but let me just point out that as soon as he calls me, his goal is simply to see how long he can act like a dork before i hang up on him. was there anything important in that above conversation? was there anything that he absolutely had to tell me? no.

i know he's going to do it again tonight. i know he's going to because i can't stop laughing at him when he does it, and that just encourages him to act like more of a dork.

he makes me laugh more than anyone on earf.

alright, next topic.

i got a mango.

yes, and i'm going to eat it.

and i'm going to pretend that the mango was infected with something that made me act like a dork.


because my boss is being a fucking bitch and i know exactly how to irritate him. being a dork is the number one way to irritate my boss.

normally, alexis and i get along great. i really admire him for being a gay, bi-racial lawyer and having succeeded in such a hoity toity law firm such as this one.

but sometimes i don't care about that shit. sometimes i think, he could be a fucking one-legged old lady and i would still get really pissed and want to bust a cap in his ass. and we all know how difficult it is to get that pissed off at one legged old lady's.

but now that i think about it, busting a cap in a gay man's ass might not be such a bad thing for him.

anyhow, my boss is being a jerk and i'm getting ready to quit. he has a super big case coming up that he's going to need lots of help with and if i quit, i would really be fucking him over, because it takes time to train someone to do the crap that i do for him.

(does anyone else think using phrases like "fucking him over" and "someone to do the crap that i do for him" just don't sound as bad when they're in reference to a gay male?)


he'll be sorry.


(for the record, i'm not really going to quit. but i will do something really mean to him. i know! i'll put too much sugar in his coffee! or i'll re-arrange his files! a-ha! do not fuck with annie muthafucking waits!)

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