November 12, 2002 - 12:24 pm

Dear God,

Look all those things I've said about in the past, well, i didn't mean it.

and i know i said some pretty mean shit about you last week after the election, but look, i was just angry is all. (why did you invent republicans though? WHY???)

the truth is, you have given me a kick ass job. i don't even think i deserve everything i've gotten the past couple of weeks. i'm glad you've guided me.

yeah, and the apartment i just scored? i have one hyphenated word for you god, "sa-weet". thanks.

and the fact that i live two blocks from Robin Williams, that's just fucking cool. i'm glad you have a sense of humor, god.

see, god, and i'm hoping you can also have a sense of humor about the crazy out-of-wedlock-sex i had the other night. wasn't that funny?

ha, i kill me.

not really! god, i didn't mean that. i would never commit suicide.

but anyway, thanks for all the cool stuff i've gotten. i promise i'll try to give back what i've gotten.

peace and smoochies!

annie dub


dear management of 1000 Van Ness AMC movie theatres in San Francisco,

i went to go see The Ring and i think I didn't really like it.

i don't like horror movies much to begin with but this was a major disappointment.

and look, i don't care if i did spend two-thirds of the movie in my boyfriends lap watching the left quarter of the movie screen through a button hole in my coat because i'm such a sissy, there were sooooooooooo many things that weren't explained in that movie.

so it's my suggestion that you talk to the writer's and have them put together a supplementary plot pamphlet that explains all the fucking wholes there were in the script.




dear man in the car behind me who called me a bitch at the intersection of Van Ness and O'Farrell,

who the fuck do you think you are?

i'm sorry, was it difficult to tell that i had to slam on my breaks because the light was red?

do you know that red means stop, sir?

is it my fault that this is one of the busiest intersections in the world? (i don't know that for sure, but it sounds good and it might be true)

i hope the next time someone gets out of their car in a busy intersection to threaten you, you get your fucking window kicked in. now, my boyfriend was smart enough to not let it go that far (and it's a good thing to because there might have been po-po's around) but next time someone just might.

and you think of how you called me a bitch for obeying traffic laws and you think about how my boyfriend jumped out of my car and was ready to put the smack down and hand you your fucking name-calling ass.

chicken shit, mother fucker,

your worst enemy



dear man who plays the french horn upstairs from me in my new building,

i really like your music. i think you are very good.

BUT, if i ever hear your fucking horn on a sunday morning when i am hungover, well, with all due respect sir, there will be hell to pay.

no one likes scraping bubble gum out of their horn, do they?

i didn't think so.

your new neighbor,


Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park

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