August 06, 2003 - 10:45 am

So,

we're doing this stupid training in my office and i can't sit at my computer.

See, i don't have to do the training. which means that i have to relocate to one of the other desks.

this is not MY computer. these are not MY pens, or highlighters or paperclips. this is not my correction tape and worst of all, THIS IS NOT MY FUCKING KEYBOARD!

i'm going nuts here. in fact, i think they're playing a really cruel joke on me. See, everyone in this office knows that i have a really strong bond with all my office supplies. yes, i'm that person who wraps a small piece of paper and tape to each of my highlighters that says "You Touch, you DIE!"

but see, there isn't anything really wrong with me. i mean i just don't like sharing my office supplies. up until a few months ago i was in charge of all the purchasing, so you bet your sweet ass, i got all the best stuff for myself. so i don't want ot use these fucking cheap ass bic pens, i want my fine point roller ball!

look, as the former office manager, there really weren't that many perks. don't hate me if my only pathetic way of establishing my authority was the fact that all my stuff is gads better than yours.

'you get paid 30K more than me a year, i don't pity you. now go white something out with your little nail polish brush and i'll smooth my correction tape over all my errors and we'll leave good enough alone.'

Life has been pretty good, i got a raise just over a month ago and now i'm paid a whoopin 42.5K a year. nice. i'm still kinda broke though. (you would be too if you paid 1K a month in rent and had college loans and credit cards to pay back. shut it.)

oh! exciting news! i went out with roger! yeah, roger, of course you remember him. we went to the ben folds concert together. actually it was tori amos, but ben was opening.

Ben was soooooo great, i just about jizzed my pants after every song. roger watched the entire thing open mouthed, but for a gay man, that isn't that unusual, sometimes their mouths just stay that way. OH! (just kidding, i love your roger, you know i do. who's your mommy? go on, who?)

so, um i don't ever want to go to another tori amos concert again. as a singer, i think she is much more talented than all the other ho's dominating the music industry right now but she's still a little too weird for me.

weird? tori amos? noooo, you must have her mistaken her for the cookies, "Famous Amos" now those are weird.

nope, i'm talking about tori. red-headed, piano-playing, screaming-into-mics and ahhh yes, the infamous bench humping, tori.

now, roger and i decided that after ben we'd stay for a bit just to feel her out (heh, heh) and BOY was that a fucking mistake.

See ben played at sunset and then there was like a 20 minute intermission in which roger and i went and got drinks and i changed my pants.

there were no fancy lights, in fact no light at all, just ben and a Chronicle Pavilion about 2/3rd full.

however when tori came on everything changed.

oh it was weird, so weird.

smoke starts coming from the stage and the drummer and bassist (guitarist? i couldn't tell) who both have really unattractive long hair close their eyes and start rocking out in slow fashion. this should have been our first sign.

i lean over to roger and say "you know, how happy can they really be? i mean, REAL musicians would not be on tour with Tori Amos. these guys probably idolize like AC/DC or something, but tori was all they can get."

roger: You are such a bitch, poor tori. she's been abused.

annie: do you know what happened to her?

roger: i think someone made her eat a lot of corn flakes or something.

annie: you're retarded, that was not funny. i want to leave roger, i've had enough of the hippie/mohawk/lesbian crowd.

roger: now? you want to leave now?

annie: i guess not. if we try to leave now we're going to get pelted with vibrators or something aren't we?

so then tori comes out looking like a cross between a green snake and a disco ball wrapped in red scarf.

annie: oh we are so leaving!

roger: no, i want to hear cornflake girl!

annie: what? are you joking?

roger: it's the only song i know, we have to hear it.

so we stayed and luckily cornflake girl was only like song number 5 or something. now is it just me or are all her songs like 15 minutes long? hmm, maybe it just feels that way.

anyhow, on the drive home roger talked about how bev (my old rooommate from hell) has cut herself off from him too. the sad thing is she owes roger like $250. i think he should go to her work and collect, he thinks that's going too far. i think kissing $250 goodbye is going too far.

Eli's birfday is tomorrow. i have all sorts of fun surprises planned for him. he can't wait. actually he never said that, but once he starts getting his surprises he'll realize that he couldn't wait.

um, yeah.

peace out.

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park