April 08, 2004 - 3:13 pm

so my life.

it's much better than it was on monday, that much is true.

but is that really saying much?

hmm, not so sure.

i recently finished a book that i absolutely adored called "operating instructions". it's by annie lammott, a bay area writer who's a total fucking hoot and i must say, has inspired me to take my writing a little more seriously.

so i decided to volunteer as a scribe for a very well known and respected muralist in the bay area. I will be working under her tutelage (i FUCKING love that word!) and i'll be helping to paint the mural; but mostly i'll be keeping a log of the progress of the mural which is scheduled to be finished on July 1st.

it's not much, but i'm excited about it. i'm particularly enthused because i've actually really admired this woman since she came a did a guest lecture in one of my college classes about 6 years ago. i was extremely moved by her work and i think she has incredible talent.

apparently i'm not the only one who thinks so, as the Smithsonian is currently in the process of archiving her works. yes, this means that my writing will be in the smithsonian, but under her copyright. if anything of ours is published, i get credit, but basically she owns the rights.

exciting, isn't it?

yes, it is.

so lets go back to monday and my shit mood. it was pretty bad, i felt much better after therapy but i pretty much cried for about 3 or 4 hours. the thing is, i don't think i'm meant to be a sad person. somehow i always have this reserve of resiliency just waiting to bubble out of me but when i'm upset, i'm upset, and there is nothing i can do but wait for it to pass. the bubble always comes, sometimes later rather than sooner though. kinda sucks.

one funny thing that happened is i was lying there on my bed looking up at the ceiling feeling miserable about myself. i was crying and thinking about how i hate it when tears go into my ear when my fucking upstairs neighbor starts playing his fucking music again.

however, this time he spared me the stress of feeling like i just walked into babylon on "queer as folk". this time i was lucky, he played sheryl crow.

now wait a minute, i hate sheryl crow...except for one song. and that song is (laugh and i'll kill you) "strong enough".

coincidentally, my upstairs neighbor and i share a liking for that damn sheryl crow song (one more thing to add to that list, it's right there with being physically abusive to our significant others!) and i was kinda happy that he was playing it when i felt like i was in such a dark place.

so i start singing along, in this sobby, more pathetic than you can imagine weak little voice. tears still streaming down my face (and into my ears) and then of course, before the song is over he starts in with the babylon music again.

totally fucking ruined my pity party, that bastard.

i felt way dumb.

in other news, my friends have been telling me for years that i'm really intimidating and that i come down hard on people. i have no clue what they're talking about. as you can see by this email i sent roger today, i'm as sweet as pie:

"Hey Bitch, Im hanging out with you on Saturday night and were watching avenue q. if you try to break the plans I swear to the sweet baby jesus that I will find out what youre doing, tag along the entire night and then (once again) ball slap your ass with your own scrotum when we get home"

muchos smooches!

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park

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