April 26, 2004 - 3:51 pm

annie: hey mami!

mom: hola mi amor! (hello my love!)

annie: hey mom, i'm sitting here with my friend and we were talking about first words. do you know what mine was?

mom: are you kidding me? i don't think i can remember that!

annie: mom, i am YOUR FIRST BORN AND YOUR FAVORITE DAUGHTER! how could you not remember something as important as that.

mom: hmm, i think it was "dada". yeah, i think so. i know it wasn't "mama" even thought it should have been.

annie: yeah, typical.

mom: why is that typical?

annie: well according to how babies babble it's much more likely for them to utter the sound "dada" than "mama". mom's always get offended by this, but its really just linguistics, not personal.

mom: oh, so what are you doing?

annie: nothing, my friend is here visiting me this weekend and we're about to cook dinner.

mom: oooh, what are you having, beans and rice?

annie: no mom, since i moved away from home, i've discovered that there's more to life than beans and rice. i'm having salmon tonight.

mom: WHAT???

annie: MOM! what's wrong with you, i'm having SALMON.

mom: what is salmon?

annie: oh, god. it's a type of fish mom. its like orange and really rich. geez, you didn't have to yell at me!

mom: i'm sorry, i thought you said something else.

annie: what did you think i said?

mom: i thought you said SEMEN.

annie: WHAT??? OH MY GOD! MY MOM JUST SAID SEMEN! mom, why would i be having semen for dinner? never mind, don't answer that. whatever. anyway, i said SAL-MON, not SE-MEN. you're gross.

mom: i know what does it say about where my mind is if i thought you said "semen"?

annie: oh god, i'm not even going to answer that. mom, that's gross. you need to get some.

mom: (sigh) i know.


i love my mother, but i'm really kind of tired of my parents thinking i'm some slutty semen ingesting whore. i mean, seriously, they raised me. don't they realize that who i am is greatly influenced by who they are?

oh, wait, maybe they do. my parents are horndogs. i'm surprised they got a divorce, i really thought the sex would keep them together.

semen! ugh!

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