July 12, 2004 - 11:40 am

So I have lunch on Friday afternoon with Roger and his hippie/possibly gay/co-worker to see if maybe I can confirm or deny his homosexuality.

I'm sitting there chatting and making an ass of myself the way I usually do when I'm nervous when I realize...

I'm not getting a gay vibe.

So I'm happy...for about 40 minutes.

When lunch is over the three of us walk back and I pull Roger aside.

Annie: "By the way, I saw all your other co-workers smiling secretively to each other. I don't appreciate you telling them that you're fixing me up."

Roger: "I didn't tell them anything!"

Annie: "What? Then who did?"

Roger: "Who do you think?"

Annie: "Really? He told them? What did he say?"

Roger: "He said you took his breath away and that he was too shy to talk to you all night."

Annie: "He said that? Really? Oh, that's so sweet."

Roger: "I'm telling you the guy is totally taken with you. Would you come off this whole 'he's gay' thing."

Annie: "But...he's gay?"

Roger: (hissing) "You're fucking pissing me off! Shut up! The guy is 30 years old, I think he would know if he prefered men."

Annie: "Not necessarily, look at Barry Manilow."

Finally the hippie/now straight/co-worker, slows down to wait for us. Then he smiles and I think to myself, 'I took your breath away?'

When we get back to the building. Roger goes upstairs and there is an awkward moment as he leaves the hippie and I standing outside alone.

Hippie: It was a nice lunch.

Annie: Yes it was. (I got so UNBELIEVABLY SHY, all of a sudden)

Hippie: We should do it again.

Annie: I hope so...Okay...well..bye!

Hippie: Bye

So I leave. I thought about turning around, but decided against it. (I realize now that if I had turned around I might have caught him staring at my ass and that would have been a good indicator that he was straight).

Once I'm around the corner I call Roger at his office and tell him to write my phone number down and give it to the hippie because I was so nervous, I forgot to.

Am I flirting with a gay man? Jesus, I don't know! This is so fucking confusing! What if he's out with all his gay friends right now talking about how some silly little girl with no gaydar is totally on his jock.

So, I'm thinking since I took his breath away and since he told all his co-workers about it. He'll call, right?

WRONG!

I wait all day Friday and no phone call.

Saturday when I'm at a wedding (a GAY wedding, could it be a sign?) I get a voicemail from him.

Here's my train of thought:

1. Oh, god. Is he lisping!?!

2. He is sooooo gay.

3. He's rambling...awww, he sounds nervous.

4. He said he wants to "hang out". "Hang out" is what I would do with a gay guy. "Go out sometime" is what I would do with a straight man. Hmm, back to square one.

I let Roger listen to the message. Verdict: "Not gay, you fucking psycho bitch now get over it!"

Then Roger's roommate. Verdict: "Hmm, I don't think he's gay, but I can kinda see how you would think that."

Then my good friend Abby. Verdict: "He sounds pretty gay."

Then Abby's twin sister. Verdict: (shrug)

Will someone please help me?!?!?!

Roger's roommate points out that even though he didn't call right away, he DID call the next day which is still pretty good. Alright, good point.

I return the call late that night after I leave the wedding and unfortunately I get his voicemail.

I leave a message saying that I'm happy he called and that if he can call me back tomorrow maybe we can set something up.

I was nervous so I rambled. Which I'm sure made for a funny message.

A funny message that can be played over loudspeakers at the "Sausage Factory" a popular hangout for men in San Francisco's most popular gay district! "HA HA! LISTEN TO THIS POOR GIRL WITH NO GAYDAR BOYS!!!

So does he call on Sunday? No.

Sunday night, at my wits end, I decide to make a list. I will try and post this list later in the week but suffice to say there were 7 reasons to believe the guy is a flamer and only 3 to believe he's straight.

Yeah. I'll keep you updated.

Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park