July 03, 2002 - 8:23 am
i'm so very tired. went to sleep at about 4:00 because i stayed up so late talking to bo (god, i wish he would just give me a new name for himself). we got in a really ugly nasty discussion yesterday and it was weird.
i like him a lot. as much as i like myself. he is EXACTLY like me though. its difficult sometimes. we pull the same crap with eachother and we both have baggage. i get scared, i tell myself that if it can get this bad so soon in the relationship. who knows how bad it will potentially get in the future?
i'm assuming that it's going to get worse. he assumes that its going to get better. i'm so grateful that he assumes that. he fights for me and for us and that's something that i just don't have the energy to do since my last relationship. he thinks that means that he's not worth it, but that's not the case. i was used up. i was sucked dry. whenever things get rough my body gives out on me. i fight to remain alert and concerned. i fight with myself. it's so easy to just give in to how weak i feel. but then again, i've never been one to take the easy route. on anything.
we stayed up so late last night talking. just talking. he's so interesting. i love to hear him talk about his family. i've never wanted to know every single little thing about another person like this. i've never wanted to feel like i've known a person all my life. tell me everything, don't gloss over anything, i want to know all your memories. every single little detail. i'm so interested in his stories and his life. as he is in mine, i have no doubt about that. we're even.
but i'm so fucking tired this morning. i almost dumped my malt-o-meal in the recycle bin and microwaved my scratch paper. my eyes hurt. i entered my atm pin code at the door instead of the building code. and when i sat down at my desk i started typing in my password at my computer. before i had turned it on.
Friday Bingo - Pigeons in the Park