June 16, 2004 - 1:15 pm

This is what I want more than anything else in the world right now.

Now, I know this is going to sound mean and insensitive to some but I can honestly say that right now, I don�t give a flying fuck.

I hope that one good thing can come out of Abu Ghraib. Maybe, just maybe, one of those soldiers invented some sort of a muzzle for human beings that prevents them from making sounds. I also hope that he�s smart enough to auction it off on eBay so that I might get said contraption and STRAP IT TO THE HEAD OF MY DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOR�S NOISY GIRLFRIEND!

Seriously, I�m tired. I�m soooo fucking tired of listening to her moaning while they�re having sex. Normally, I think it�s hysterical. I used to love hearing people have sex and �I�ll admit it- have even been turned on by it from time to time. However, this has NEVER been the case with the couple downstairs.

Okay, background information:

My downstairs neighbor�s name is Rudy. Rudy is kind of like the superintendent of our building. He�s a carpenter and he looks kind of like a taller Joe Pesci with dark skin and salt and pepper hair. I like Rudy, he�s a nice guy and he actually remembers my name. If I had to guess Rudy�s age, I�d say�50 or so?

Rudy�s girlfriend�blech.

I�m not even sure I want to write about it right now, I did just eat.

She (we�ll call her Brandy because she looks like a Brandy) looks to be about 40 years old but I would guess that she�s one of those women who insists she�s still 29. Brandy wears velour workout suits and is always smiling, which to me, is usually a sign of stupidity. She had an obsession with the song �Strong Enough� by Sheryl Crow and now she won�t stop listening to Black Eyed Peas�s �Hey Mama� (and we all know how I feel about Black Eyed Peas). Brandy puts these songs on repeat and what�s even worse, she does so at 7:15 in the A.M.!!!

I can hear her singing and she has a horrible voice, just awful, really. See, one time in college I visited a HIV test lab with about 12 rhesus monkey�s and their primal screams were like a sonata compared to this bitch, catch my drift?

So I want a muzzle for Brandy. Something to prevent her from making any type of sound, ESPECIALLY at 7 in the morning.

My mother is coming to stay with me and I�m worried that she�s going to be able to hear them having sex too. Now we all know how awkward that can be. If we both heard them doing it, I would imagine I�d feel the same way I did when I was a kid watching a movie with a sex scene in it and my mother would walk in just as the girl was screaming something akin to �Oh yes! FUCK ME HARDER!�. (Is it just me or did anyone else�s parents have the uncanny ability to walk in at this very moment also?)

For your sake, I hope not. It wasn�t fun.

Peace out. Welcome to the new people who have added me as favorites since yesterday, thanks for stopping by!

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