December 10, 2002 - 2:54 pm

a nice quiet private evening at home.

that's what it was supposed to be.

life is much the same in san francisco.

er, except for the fact that i'm in san francisco.

but one of the things that has changed is that i'm closer to my sweetheart, (6 month anniversary on christmas. YA'LL BETTER FUCKING CONGRATULATE ME THEN!) my wee he-man, my pocket hercules, elijah.

well, what better way to celebrate our newfound close proximity than by buying some cherry flavored lube and renting some hi-class adult video from the hi-class sex shop, Good Vibrations?

there is no better way, i tell you.

so we get home and i slip into something a little more comfortable (if you know what i mean).

we start watching our adult movie and meet our protagonist, Lisa. Lisa is "longing for something but she doesn't know what" (i'll give you 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count) so she decides to take some time off and stay at a friends cabin in order to decide where she wants her life to go and if she wants to pursue a lucrative job opportunity in New York.

see, Lisa is a photographer.

so eli and i are cuddling, doing what young couples do and all of a sudden his phone rings.

ergh. don't you hate it when that happens?

a few minutes later it rings again.

we ignore it.

then his cell phone rings, he puts it in his room.

then his roommates pager goes off.

we ignore it.

then the pager goes off again.

we ignore it and make out instead.

5 minutes later the pager goes off again.

eli gets up and puts the pager in his roommates room.

he then comes back and we make out some more.

In case you were wondering where we are in our movie, Lisa has met Daniel and he seems to posess what it is she's "longing for" as well as the knowledge of all the orifices that she's "longing" to have it in.

another pager goes off. this one is unfamiliar, we ignore it and focus on the matter at hand.

an alarm clock goes off.

an alarm clock?

yes an alarm clock. an unfamiliar alarm clock that is inconvenietly placed behind the television. eli, turns it off.

finally we ignore the 2 pagers, 1 cell phone, 1 home phone and 2 alarm clocks that keep going off and do what nature intended us to do that night.

afterwards, long-long afterwards (right, honey?) we go next door and notice that all of eli's dude friends have odd grins on their faces and they ask us:

"so, did any phones ring or alarms go off?"


see people, that's what happens when you tell friends that you plan to have a "quiet" evening at home.

and in case any of you were wondering, our movie ends with Lisa writing Daniel a letter thanking him for all his good, er, advice and she moves to New York to pursue her dream.

The End.

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