December 12, 2002 - 12:42 pm

disclaimer: if you are sensitive to stereotypes or texan, do not read this entry. if you are texan and you do read it, which i'm sure you will, understand that these are my opinions and you may be the exception to those dumb texans.

okay, now.

this is going to sound bad but really, its not so it sounds, i mean.

i don't like texans.

now, maybe i like some texans, but i haven't met any that i do.

for the most part i can't stand them.

see, i'm at this training right now and there are these two girls from houston and the just will not shut up.

not only do the talk too much, but they say some of the dumbest things.

and i know these are only two girls, but so far every texan female i've met in my life has fit the exact same mold as these two girls.

here's what i know about the girls in my class.

1. they like to shop. they were really excited about Macy's.

2. They were both cheerleaders and in a sorority in college which they let everyone know, plenty of times.

3. they had a problem with me eating sushi for lunch. "ah just cayun't imagine puttin' raw fish in mah mouth and then swallowin"

(don't ask)

4. they have a problem with homosexuals. we have been entering information in a database and learning how to list a couple as a contact, when our teacher took us to an example it just happened to be two men who were "partners". now in san francisco, we all know what that means. but texans didn't get it, at first. and i almost wish it would have stayed that way:

Dumb Texan girl 1: "do they work togethar?"

Dumb Texan girl 2: "yeah, like partnar's in a law fir-um?"

Dumb Texan girl 1: "they're not gay are they?"

Dumb Texan girl 2: "well, we are in san francisco"

Dumb Texans together: "tee hee hee."

to which i would have loved to respond:

"no no ladies, they are gay. GAY! yes, gay! woohoo, are you uncomfortable with that? woohoo, gay! my best friend is gay so if i touch you, you'll be gay too! are you scared you little homophobe snatches? are "ya'll fixin' to run outta" here?

go ahead and leave.

i wanted to say this, but i refrained because i'm somewhat polite and chicken and i have much more fun writing about it, but mostly because i'm chicken.

now i'm sorry i'm sounding so stereotypical, but just please allow me one more.

when i was in new york i did a crash course on broadway. what i mean is, i saw six musicals in six nights (must have been because i went with my gay best friend right?) anyhow, because we were in NYC during the macy's thanksgiving day parade there was an um, how should i say? a veritable cornucopia (if you will)? an assload? yes that works. there was an assload of texas cheerleaders. now do you know what that says to me? that says to me there are a lot of potential murderer moms, no-no-no just kidding. what it does say to me is every corner i turn, i'm going to run into a texan.

and i love accents, i do, i've always wanted one. but,





at one point when we were leaving les miserables i got trapped in a crowd. and i was subjected to the eloquence and insightful thought processes of a texan girl.

"i didn't like thayat. did you like thayat? no? i don't think i really liked thayat. did you? I didn't like thayat."

my guess is that this girl is going to buy her some les miserables tickets for every night that she is going to be in new york. i'm glad she liked it.

you know, i'm aware that i shouldn't judge all. i know there have got to be some good texans out there. it would be nice if i could at least find one texan who thinks Dubya and his policies are rubbish? that would gain them some merit. anyone? anyone?

are there any girls in texas who don't want to, never have been and never will be cheerleaders/sorority members/Girls gone wild participants?

also, don't get me wrong. i'm aware that i'm a californian and this all may sound a little weird coming from someone who lives in a place where there are A LOT of stupid people.

but at least we're beautiful, come on!

that's my rant for today, tomorrow i'll probably love texans and end up hating some other group.

"oh miss annie, we've provided a nice little handbasket for you travel to hell in, please be seated."

and she'll probably say it with a texan accent.

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